Squip-wrecked
by lalagirl16
Summary: Jeremy Heere is finally ready to propose to Michael, the love of his life. Surely nothing will ruin their magical evening, right? Wrong. A very familiar voice inside Jeremy's head resurfaces after staying quiet for almost four years. (Originally posted on AO3)


"Jenna, no."

"Oh, come on, Jeremy! You won't even notice I'm there."

"Give me one good reason why I should let you live-tweet my proposal."

"Because you love me?"

"No."

"Worth a shot."

Jeremiah Heere was a nervous wreck. A given perhaps, but tonight it was for a good reason. He shoved his hand in his pocket and let his thumb grace the top of the tiny box he was guarding. He sighed happily and quietly reminisced to himself. Jeremy had dragged Christine along to the jeweler because he was a notoriously indecisive shopper. That indecisiveness was kicked up to eleven due to the gravity of the purchase, but with the help of his dear friend, he walked out within the hour with the prize that was currently nestled in the tiny box.

It wasn't a fancy ring - it didn't need to be. The ring was a smooth and shiny gold band; simple, but dazzling. Christine had urged Jeremy to pick out a matching one while they were in the store, which led to Jeremy having the idea to get them engraved. Jeremy's read "Player 1" and the one he would present to the love of his life on Saturday night read, "Player 2". They were perfect.

Michael worked Friday nights, so Jeremy had seized the opportunity to grab a drink with some of their high-school friends and receive their pep talks before the big night. They had all taken the news differently. Christine, of course, already knew. She spent most of the evening scribbling down wedding plans on napkins, and chatting animatedly with the rest of the "Squip Squad" as Rich had so eloquently dubbed them. Chloe and Brooke, who were recently engaged themselves, showered Jeremy with hugs and helpful advice. Jake was ecstatic, immediately badgering Jeremy to show them the ring, then resigning himself to helping Christine plan the wedding of the century.

RIch would not stop screaming. After Jeremy's announcement he attempted to playfully hit Jeremy in the arm, but despite his small stature, he still packed a punch. He was currently yelling that Jeremy "had better invite him to the wedding so he could catch that motherfucking bouquet." Jenna was just upset that she hadn't been the first to know, and was disappointed further when she realized she'd have to keep it a secret until Saturday night. Hence why she was currently trying to convince Jeremy to let her spy on them.

"What if I just took a video?" Jenna pleaded. "And hey! Bonus! It would be a great way to cherish the memory…"

"Jenna, I think we all know you wouldn't be doing it for _them,_ " Chloe said. "Let the poor boy have his privacy."

"Come on, Chlo," Jake cut in. "Don't even pretend you wouldn't kill to see all the lovey-dovey shit they say to each other preserved forever in high definition."

"I wanna see the lovey-dovey shit!" Rich piped up. "Jakey-D! We should hide in the trees like spies so we see everything!"

"No can do, babe," Jake laughed. "I can't hide that well in a tree. I'm not exactly 'fun-sized' like you."

"None of you are hiding anywhere near the restaurant!" Jeremy finally said, exasperated. "I will tell you guys everything afterward, okay?" His friends had a good laugh, seemingly satisfied. They bought another round and joked about their times together at Middleborough. They shared new stories from college and their plans for the future.

"It's great seeing you guys again," Christine said with a smile. "I just wish Michael was here."

"Don't worry, Chris," Rich said with a shit-eating grin. "He'll be _Heere_ soon enough." Jeremy groaned at the pun, but couldn't fight back his smile. Talking about the proposal with his friends made it seem less scary; dare he say, even exciting. Maybe he just had to be more optimistic. He was going to propose to Michael Mell, and there was nothing that could ruin it.

…

No. Not again. Not _tonight._ Jeremy focused on his breathing. That's what Michael always told him when he had a panic attack. Just breathe. God, he wished Michael was here. He stared at the tablecloth and shoved his hands in his pockets.

In...out. In...out. Everything was okay. He was okay. And he was definitely just hearing things. There was no way he could have possibly heard-

" _Jeremyyyyy…"_

Jeremy clenched the fabric inside his pockets and shook his head.

In...out. In...out. In out. In out. In out In out In out In out…

" _You're being foolish, Jeremy. Michael deserves so much better than you. Are you even sure that he hasn't just been dating you out of pity?"_

"Shut up," Jeremy whimpered softly. "Shut..up. You're...I mean we...got rid of you." The Squip materialized in the seat across from Jeremy. Michael's seat. It still looked like Keanu Reeves, but his form was faded and glitchy. It still wore the flamboyant super-villain-esque coat he had worn that terrifying night junior year when it had almost succeeded in taking over the entire school. Its eyes, usually cold and calculating, now appeared to be full of sick amusement at Jeremy's state. Its face was stained with trails of Mountain Dew Red. Though Jeremy had suffered many nightmares about encountering the Squip again, nothing could have prepared him to have to see it again. To have to _hear_ it again.

" _I couldn't possibly stay away,"_ it said, chuckling. " _My main function is to make you cool. I have only now gained enough power to resurface, and in my absence, you have been acting in ways very counter-intuitive to that goal. I cannot allow you to propose to Michael, Jeremy. If you do, it will be significantly harder for you to date Christine Canigula."_

 _I don't want to date Christine,_ Jeremy thought at it. _I haven't wanted to since Junior year. Get out of my head, you glorified tic-tac._

" _Regardless, you cannot expect Michael to want to be with you Jeremy. You may be beyond high-school labels, but you will always be a 'loser' unless you accept my help. Don't slouch."_

Jeremy hissed and quickly sat up. He could feel himself hyperventilating. The Squip didn't shock him, but it may as well have. Tears formed at the corners of Jeremy's eyes as he remembered Junior year, and all the instances of the Squip's "spinal stimulation". He hadn't gotten off since the Squip had been deactivated. He had even panicked his first time in bed with Michael, as memories of the source of his sexual frustration resurfaced. They had to stop because Jeremy was crying, but Michael understood and just held him the rest of the night. The thought made him soften a bit. He just had to wait for Michael. Michael understood then, and he would understand now.

" _Michael could eventually grow tired of dealing with you, Jeremy,_ " it said. " _Of course, he doesn't know of your plan to propose tonight, but it is the first time you've taken him on a real date in a while. And you're going to ruin it."_

He should text Michael. Jeremy knew Michael had a stash of Mountain Dew Red in their fridge, if not just for reassurance. If he texted his boyfriend now, everything could be taken care of before the night was over.

"Hey Jere-bear," Michael's beautiful voice greeted. Jeremy's eyes shot up from the spot on the tablecloth they had been focused on. He hadn't been this excited to see Michael since...well since the aforementioned night Junior Year where they had defeated the Squip.

" _If you 'defeated' me, why am I still here?"_ it said, voice laced with amusement.

Jeremy ignored it as Michael leaned down and kissed him. Jeremy leaned into the kiss, wishing to pet his boyfriend's hair, unbutton his shirt, and bite all over his neck. He wanted to hold onto Michael like a lifeline. He wanted to touch every part of him. But they were in a fancy restaurant and people were already staring. He reluctantly let go of Michael and watched him sit down where the Squip had just been. Said supercomputer was now standing off to the side of the table, leaning against a wall at looking at Jeremy in disgust.

" _Michael came directly here from his job at the record store, yet you are still the one who is underdressed. If you care so much about this proposal, why didn't you bother with a tie?"_

Jeremy hated ties. They chafed his neck and made him sweat even more than usual. But Michael knew that. Surely he didn't assume Jeremy didn't care enough to dress up, right?

"You doing okay, man?" Michael asked, concern burning in his eyes. "You're not saying anything. And...you're sweating. Like a lot."

Michael had always been able to see right through him. But he just had to play it cool until they got home. Then he could sneak some Mountain Dew Red and he wouldn't have to make Michael worry.

" _Jeremy. Repeat after me."_

"I'm...fine Michael. I guess I'm just a little nervous is all."

" _Everything about you is so terrible. Everything about you makes me wanna die."_

Jeremy flinched at the familiar words. Michael noticed.

"Nervous about what?" he asked, confused and concerned. The Squip sneered at Jeremy's silence and stepped closer until it was standing right behind Michael. Jeremy tried to keep looking into Michael's eyes.

" _JEREMY. REPEAT AFTER ME."_ Its voice was deafening and distorted. Jeremy wanted to curl up and cover his ears. Michael said something else, but Jeremy couldn't hear him at all. " _EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IS SO TERRIBLE."_

"Michael I…"

" _EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU..."_

"I want to…"

" _MAKES ME"_

"I have to…"

" _WANT TO DIE."_

"I have to go," he choked out. Michael said something, but it was lost underneath the Squip's chant. Jeremy stood up and ran to the bathroom, thanking some higher power when he found it unoccupied. He locked the door and leaned against it, dropping to the floor and covering his ears.

" _Covering your ears won't help, Jeremy. I'm inside your head."_ The Squip materialized in the corner of the bathroom, making no reflection in the mirror. " _You left Michael alone because you couldn't handle the truth."_

Jeremy couldn't hold back the tears. He hated this. He hated _it._ He...hated himself.

" _Repeat after me, Jeremy,"_ the Squip demanded. " _Everything about you is so terrible."_

"Everything about me is just terrible," he choked out through the sobs.

" _Good. Everything about you makes me wanna die."_

"Everything…" he couldn't finish. He was breathing too fast, too much. His head throbbed, his eyes ached. And he left Michael. Oh, god. He left Michael all alone. _Everything about me makes me wanna die._

" _Now,"_ the Squip said. " _Will you accept my help? You're a mess without me, Jeremy. You can't be happy without my assistance, and you certainly don't want Michael to have to deal with such a burden. And to think, you were about to ask him to let you be his burden forever. You are not worthy, Jeremy."_

Jeremy couldn't respond. He was wheezing, curled up tightly into himself on the bathroom floor. His hair fell in his face and mixed with the tear streaks on his cheeks. He could smell the sweat on his neck and in his armpits. He was a mess. Maybe the Squip...was right after all. But he couldn't deal with it again. Not after what happened last time. He could ignore the voice; he just had to be louder.

" _Jeremy."_

 _No,_ he thought. _Michael loves me. I don't need you._

" _Jeremy."_

 _Stop,_ he begged. _Please stop._

" _Jeremyyy...JEREMY...JEREMYYY…"_

"Jeremy?" A soft, familiar voice broke through the screaming, just for a second. "Can I come in?"

" _You can't let him see you like this, Jeremy."_

Jeremy was too terrified to say anything, but he slowly scooted out of the way of the door, still sniffling. He watched the handle turn slowly and cautiously. When he heard the door open, Jeremy shoved his hands in his coat pockets and stared at his feet. He heard Michael's breath catch in his throat.

"Hey...hey..hey...Miah. Miah. I'm right here." Michael knelt down and gently nudged the door closed behind them. Jeremy leaned into him. When had he started shaking? He willed himself to stop, but his body wouldn't listen. He let out a whimper. This wasn't how this night was supposed to go. The Squip had stayed quiet for almost four years, and it chose tonight of all nights to return.

"Michael…" he got out. "It...it's back." Michael looked confused and offered his hand for Jeremy to hold. Jeremy just shook his head; his hand was still in his pocket, tightly clenched around the ring box.

"What's back, Jere?" Michael coaxed, hesitantly petting Jeremy's hair in an attempt to calm him down.

" _What a lovely date you're having, Jeremy. Making your boyfriend calm you down in the bathroom of the nicest restaurant in town. I hope you're glad you made that reservation weeks in advance only to ruin it with your frailty."_

Michael followed his eyes to where Jeremy's were fixed in the corner. He still hadn't stopped shaking.

"Go away…" Jeremy whispered. "Go away…"

"I'm not leaving you Jeremy," Michael said adamantly. "Not until you calm down."

"Not you," Jeremy whispered out.

" _There's nothing cool about a crybaby, Jeremy. This display of behavior is typical to toddlers and elementary schoolers. I'm sure Michael finds it the opposite of endearing."_

He let go of the box in his pocket and lifted a trembling hand to point in the corner where the Squip stood. "Squ-" He couldn't say it. He started crying into Michael's chest again, trying to block it out. Michael's face darkened. His head snapped up and he glared into the empty corner.

"The Squip?" he growled. Jeremy nodded. Michael then looked back down at him, his expression softer. "When did he start talking again?"

"Just tonight," Jeremy whispered out. "About ten minutes ago."

"What kind of shit has he been saying to you?" Michael asked, shooting a murderous look up towards the corner. The Squip scoffed. Jeremy gulped and focused on his breath. Michael rubbed his back in soothing motions.

"Everything about you is so terrible," he quoted in a monotone voice. "Everything about you makes me wanna die."

"Yeah?" Michael said, wiping away a tear from Jeremy's eye. "Well I think Jeremy Heere is the most beautiful guy in the world. I think he's smart, funny, and imaginative. I think that he's been my best friend and Player 1 since like, forever, through thick and thin. And I _know_ …" Michael pulled Jeremy just a little closer. "...that I love Jeremiah Heere more than anyone else on this planet." Jeremy stopped shaking and finally cracked a smile. The tears didn't stop, but that was okay. He was okay.

"Michael…"

"And you!" Michael yelled at the corner. "Everything about _you_ makes me wanna enter Jeremy in a Mountain Dew Red chugging competition. And that's exactly what we're gonna do when we get home, you stupid, motherfucking, Siri knock-off!"

"I love you, Mikey," Jeremy breathed. "I'm...I'm sorry about this."

"Christ, Jeremy it's not your fault. Why would it be your fault? You didn't know what would happen Junior year! It's not your fault."

"I shouldn't have listened to it. I let it ruin tonight. Tonight was supposed to be perfect." Jeremy shoved his left hand back into the pocket of his coat. He grasped the box and slowly, but surely, pulled it out. Michael's eyes widened at the sight of the box.

"Jeremy…"

"I had a speech planned," Jeremy said with a humorless laugh. "But I can't remember it after all of...that. I just...I love you so fucking much. Can we just be…"

" _Heere_ together?" Michael finished, flashing him a cheeky grin. And for once, Jeremy laughed at the pun. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever heard, breaking through the sea of insults that the Squip continued to rattle off from the corner.

"I'd love that," Jeremy said, popping open the box and placing the ring, hands shaking slightly, onto Michael's finger.

"Let's ditch this place," Michael said. "Go back to the apartment. I know exactly what drink we can share to celebrate."

 _Everything about Michael is so wonderful._ Jeremy thought to himself as he was once again pulled into his fiance's soft embrace. _Everything about him makes me wanna live forever._


End file.
